The Reason
by Sheriff of Nottingham
Summary: Snape gives himself away as a spy to help Harry in a fight with a couple of Death Eater's. Harry finds the truth about Snape's past and why he's a slimy bastard.
1. Why am I so Snapeish

**Disclaimer: J K R owns everything Harry Potter!**

**Author's Note: Rated for mild language. Special thanks to Rickmaniac who I have been e-mailing lately. She has given me an idea that I might make into a story later on. She has read this story for me and said she likes it, yay! **

**So this is dedicated to you, Rickmaniac, though it's not nearly as good as it should be for you!!!**

**The Reason**

Harry Potter was now twenty years old. Five years ago he was grieving over Sirius's death and didn't even want to be in the same room as his former Potion's Professor, Snape. In fact just yesterday he didn't want to be in the same room as Snape. Now Snape was in Harry's bed... out cold. How you may ask? Well...

**Flashback**

"Fuck you, filthy Death Eater!"

The mask less Death Eater sneered. "How are your parents, Potter?"

"Fuck you!" Harry said through gritted teeth.

"You don't know? Oh well. Send my regards when I send you to them!"

Harry squirmed against the chains that held him to the wall. The Death Eater raised his wand and Harry gave up hope. He closed his eyes and braised himself.

"Lucius, which of the-" The Death Eater, now identified as Draco Malfoy, swirled around as the new but familiar voice stopped dead at the sight of Harry Potter chained up in Molfoy's basement. The sight of Snape in shock was almost worth being chained up. Almost, except for one tiny detail... he was going to die. 'Oh well. I lived longer than I expected,' Harry thought.

"Severus, you're early... Five hours early."

"Well," he said, his eyes flicking towards Harry, "You know I like getting things done early, Draco."

"So you do. Well you're just in time to see Potter die at my hands."

"Lord Voldemort won't be pleased about that!" Snape said dryly.

"Of course he will be! And if he isn't then it's my problem."

"Well it certainly won't be mine!"

"If you want to leave for this, Severus, there's the door."

"Of course not. Go right ahead. I'm sure I'll enjoy this."

"You never enjoy yourself!" Lucius said as he walked in. Harry saw Snape sneer at Malfoy Sr. when his back was turned. However this meant that he was facing Harry and Harry was about to die. He knew Snape was a slimy traitor.

Malfoy raised his wand "_Avad_-"

"_Petrificus Totalus_!" Snape shouted. Malfoy Jr. stiffened and fell over.

"_Impedimenta_!" Lucius Malfoy shouted at Snape's back. Snape was blasted backwards. He hit the wall with such a force that he dropped his wand.

"_Accio wand_!" Malfoy called and Snape's wand flew into his free hand.

Snape, in turn, pulled something from his boot and fired it at the blonde man. Malfoy dropped the wands as the jagged knife hit his chest. Snape walked over to him, put his hand on the knife and Harry heard him whisper "Well, I'm certainly enjoying this," before roughly pulling the knife out and pushing him to the floor to die in agony. "_Allohamora_" he pointed to the lock on Harry's chains. "Thanks."

"Do you have your wand?"

"No. It's back at Hogwarts." Snape gave him a disapproving look. "I dropped it when they knocked me out."

Draco, who had recovered from the body binding spell, cast his own spell "_Fealltoir Broghach_"

Snape coughed blood all over Harry and fell on top of him. He tried to reached for Snape's wand before Malfoy Jr. got to him but couldn't.

"Potter. I'm gonna kill you. I don't know how a mongrel like you could kill my father, a _Slytherin._" Malfoy dragged Harry from under Snape and pulled him to his feet. He was back where he started... about to die at Draco Malfoy's hands, Snape had exposed himself for nothing, oh the irony.

"_Ruaig an Drochrud, Ruaig an Drochrud, Ruaig an Drochrud,_" a barely conscious Snape chanted quietly.

Harry stood there waiting for Malfoy to cast the spell but none came.

"He's frozen Snape murmured.

"How?" Harry asked, seeing the older man's wand still on the floor.

"You should have learned in your first Potion's class that I don't like foolish wand waving. One would only assume that I can work without-" Snape coughed up more blood and closed his eyes. "Bloody Draco Malfoy. I always hated him!"

"Really?" Harry asked.

Snape had tried to answer but only blood came out of his mouth.

**End Flashback**

That had been two days ago. Harry had given Snape a strong dreamless sleep potion (A spare batch that Dumbledore had given him because Snape said he'd rather take his chances with faith than take his chances with one of Harry's potion's). Snape had been coming in and out of consciousness for the last 29hours. The potion had worn off but the body was weak. Harry had spent a great deal of time repairing Snape's punctured lungs and repairing broken bones. Apparently Snape walks around with broken bones because he found far more than there should be from the fight in Malfoy's basement.

Dumbledore had once said that Snape never forgave himself for what he done in his youth and spends his life punishing himself. Harry wondered if this is what he had meant.

Severus Snape woke up in an unfamiliar room. His sight was blurred for a few seconds and his head was pounding. He was blissfully unaware of where he was until Harry Bloody Potter came in with a tray of food. It all came flooding back like a broken dam.

"Good, you're awake. I figured you'd be hungry," Harry said brightly.

Snape glared at him. "No I'm not hungry."

"Well you have to eat to keep your strength up!"

"I'm not a child, Potter. You can't tell me what to do."

"Yes I can, _Sir_. You are under my care, in my home and in MY bed," he smirked as Snape turned crimson at the last part. He loved the fact that Snape was uncomfortable. Harry knew Snape hated not being able to tower over him.

"Well I can change that," Snape started to rise.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Oh really? And why, pray tell, is that?"

"Well if you want to show off your bare arse..."

Snape looked down and under the sheet. 'Oh, crap!' he though while turning a VERY deep shade of red, again. He cleared his throat loudly. "Are you just going to stand there? Return my robes and I'll be on my way."

"Sorry can't do that!"

"Excuse me?"

"I said 'no.' You'll only leave if I do."

"Yeeeees. Soooo?"

"Look. I'm a trained medic and psychologist. You need to rest. You can't move from that bed until I'm satisfied that you're fully healed. Besides, you can't wear those robes anymore. You can borrow mine or wait six weeks if you want to order black ones."

Snape huffed and folded his arms across his chest. "Why did you take them off in the FIRST place?"

"Couldn't fix your lungs with them on!"

"Why did that require my lower half to be stripped?"

"Broken bones and dislocated hip and knee with cuts on your thighs."

"Seems you did a... _thorough_ examination," Snape said, pulling the sheets tighter around him.

"Oh... well... yes... I..." It was Harry's turn to blush. "Anyway, I'm glade I did. Some of those injuries were months old," he scolded.

"I didn't have a chance to see Poppy yet."

"Yeah right. Is this your way of punishing yourself?"

"Who said I pun-" The realization hit him. "Dumbledore... I'll kill him!"

"He might have mentioned something," Harry said in defeat.

"He doesn't know what he's talking about. Talks rubbish half the time. He worries to much and get's silly ideas into his head."

"Only I don't think it's so silly, Severus!"

"Are we on a first name basis now?"

"Yup. Always am with my patient's. Makes them feel more relaxed."

"Yeah right," Snape muttered.

"The old injuries, are they self inflicted?"

No."

"Where do they come from?"

"Different places, different people... Death Eater's under orders. Mostly Voldemort and Malfoy, the older Malfoy."

"I see. This is why you hate Malfoy so much?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Do you really want to know, Potter?"

"Yes."

"Fine, but once you know..."

Harry nodded.

"He tricked me into joining he Death Eater's. I wasn't a popular child, as you well know from being a nosey git in your fifth year, and I still had long greasy hair, I was still pale and still angry. You would be too if you had the three evil musketeers and a rat hexing you every chance they got, assholes! Well for a while I wasn't. I changed without realizing it and was happy. I laughed, joked and smiled all because of her. Aide McCarthy. She was Irish, they say that Irish charm can win anyone over. Well it certainly won me over.

"Aoife McCarthy changed to Aoife Snape. We were married only a month when she fell pregnant. I was married at eighteen and made a father of three at nineteen. They were triplets. Christopher, Alexander and Samantha. Chris was eight minutes older than Alex. Sam took another three hours. Aoife and I were so happy. She had turned my life around and given me three children as well as her love.

"I loved them all, as any father... normal father, would" Harry could see resentment in his eyes just then. Snape continued "But I paid special attention to Sam. She was the youngest and I had hoped for a daughter. I could see our future in my head," Snape sniffed. Tears were welling up in his eyes. This shocked Harry to the core. "Teaching the boy's to fly, chasing away any boyfriend Sam might have brought home.

"I had just turned twenty and Dumbledore offered my a job at Hogwarts. I went to take a look around before term so I could go back and tell Aoife what the teacher's rooms were like... she had always been curious like all the other students. That day I thanked whatever god there might be for my skills at Potion's and my chance to work at Hogwarts.

Ironic that I would curse it the same night for bringing me away that day and leaving them. I came home to find my brother dead at the door. I found Aoife dead protecting Chris. Alex's skull was smashed in..." Snape was choking on his words at this point but his tears refused to fall.

"I heard movement up stairs a thought Sam might have escaped. She had, but s man had just cast a spell on her and fled like a coward before I could murder him. I recognised the man as some ministry worker I'd once seen. Because of the type of spell, there was nothing I could do to save Sam. She died in my arms an hour later.

"My whole family dead and my baby girl died in my arms. I was completely distraught. I went to Dumbledore and smashed up his office. He didn't seem to mind. I was angry that he didn't seem to feel any pain so punched him. You'd never think that someone would have the nerve to punch the great Albus Dumbledore. Well he still didn't seem to mind. He wiped the blood from his nose and tried to comfort me. Can you believe it? I'd just landed one on him and he still tried to comfort me. I don't know whether it was the grief talking or just my stupidity but I told him where to shove his comfort and said I'll never need his help.

"I think 'never' is a cursed word. If you ever say you'll never do something, you'll always end up doing it sooner or later. Well I bumped into Lucius Malfoy a few hours later an he convinced me that Voldemort could help me get revenge. I killed the ministry bloke as soon as I received the Dark Mark, which was the same night. Goyle let it slip that Malfoy took the Polyjuice Potion and butchered my family. I was physically sick knowing I murdered an innocent man. It was 5a.m. by the time I told Dumbledore. He told me I could still work for him and I said I would be his spy.

"There funerals were in the early hours of September first. I went to my first day at Hogwarts dressed in black and I couldn't bring myself to get out of it. We had our whole lives ahead of us... Merlin, I miss them so much!"

It was at this moment that Severus Snape finally grieved for his dead family - he allowed the tears to fall for the first time. He cried.

And it was at this moment that Harry's perception of his former professor changed. Severus Snape was not an emotionless bat who haunted the corridors.

Severus Snape was a man. A man who's past still haunt's him.

**Well? What do you think? I nearly cried writing it, myself. Please review!!!**


	2. I just needed to talk

**Disclaimer:** Have I ever claimed to own anything? I did? Oh... Well I lied!

**Author's Note: **This has gone from PG13 to R because I've used WAY more bad language than a 13 year old should read in, chapter three and I don't want to be banned from 

Thanks for all the reviews guys. You rock!

**Reviewers:**

**Rickmaniac: **You rock, Rickmaniac! (l.K.l.t.E) Tehehe.

**Emma Barrows:** I'm naming chapter three after your fic' because it was very good. Thanks for the review. It was very encouraging!

**snarkyroxy:** Thanks. Robin Hood is my fav Alan Rickman film, that's where I got my name, obviously. (I can't get enough of Alan either) ;)

**michell:** thanks for the English lesson. It really helped... I think. Well my English teacher thinks I've improved with that problem. Except now we've just started a long, boreing novel, yawn.

**Lady Lily3: **Your's had to be one of my favourite reviews.

**Mookins: **Eh, well I hope this chapter explains why Snape would tell Harry.

**Cyne: **Well here's more.

**ShadowedHand: **I don't mind you using that idea at all. What story were you thinking of writing it into?

**Also thanks to: sappjody, kim, MW, Black Padfoot, calpso, salamander, and blah.**

ANYWAY...

**The Reason**

Chapter 2: I just needed to talk

They sat in silence for a long time after Snape had made his revelation. Harry had the decency to turn away so Snape could dry his face and compose himself. More silence followed.

Harry started figiting. "How many people know about this?" he finally asked.

"Dumbledore, the McCarthy's and you... and Lucius Malfoy obviously," Snape answered, regaining most of his self control.

"So why break the silence now? Why tell me?"

"Why not?" Snape shrugged.

"I just don't see why you would tell me of all people. I'm not exactly your favouriteperson in the world."

There was a long silence and Harry wasn't sure if his ex-professor would answer.

Then Snape spoke. "You were there and I was tired of keeping it a secret."

Harry looked confused.

"Secrets can be used against you. I don't wan pity, I never did. I just didn't want to be weak either."

The younger man looked down. How could he not pity Snape? His wife, three children and only happiness killed all in one night.

"I," Snape started again, Harry looked up at him. "I just needed to talk."

Harry nodded in agreement. "We all need to talk sometimes."

**Well? What do you think. I know it's very short but I have chapter three almost ready to post. I's a year from the end of this chapter. **

**Please review.**


	3. Revelation

**Disclaimer: Have I ever claimed to own anything? I did? Oh... Well I lied!**

**Author's Note: This has gone from PG13 to R because I've used WAY more bad language than a 13 year old should read in, chapter two and I don't want to be banned from **

**Thanks for all the reviews guys. You rock!**

To Catherine: I'm sorry if you don't like my use of Irish for spells instead of Latin but I say 'why not!' It's not that terrible. And also, I tried to look up that wed site but couldn't find it, thanks anyway.

**This chapter is about a year after chapter one and two.**

Chapter 3: Revelation

Snape kneeled down next to Dumbledore. The Hogwarts Headmaster had been hit in a fight with Death Eaters. The Death Eaters had all either been killed or escaped by the time Snape had reach them. Order members were helping those who had fallen or tending to their own wounds. Snape noticed Harry Potter helping his friend to stand. It was Ronald Weasley if Snape's memory served him.

The Potion's Master looked down at his mentor and friend.

"Severus?" a voice came from behind him.

Snape didn't bother to turn around. "I'm no longer your patient, Potter. We have no need to be on a first name basis."

Harry ignored the comment. "How have you been?"

"Not as bad as most people here."

"That wasn't what I asked!"

"If you must know I've been with Voldemort. It was lucky I was told to help the Death Eaters otherwise I would be there when they get back."

"What's wrong with that?" Harry asked.

"You don't think Voldemort takes failure lightly, do you? He was already in a bad mood - more than usual."

Dumbledore groaned and Snape was down on him like a shot. "Albus?" he whispered.

"I'm fine, Severus. No need to worry yourself."

"Like I would worry about an old death dodger like you." Harry knew this was Snape's way of joking with the Headmaster.

"Good," Dumbledore laughed. He stood up slowly. Snape took his arm. "Severus, I fine!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes now you should help Harry, here, with the rest of the injured."

"Yes Headmaster." Snape turned to walk away with Harry when he suddenly collapsed, clutching his head.

**Snape's Vision:**

**"You offered Severus Snape the potions position?" McGonagall asked.**

**"Yes I did Minerva. The boy deserves it."**

**"That he does. He's a young man now, Albus. With a wife and three children to support." McGonagall said as she walked out of Dumbledore's office.**

**"Not after tonight," Dumbledore muttered. He looked at the ceiling, "I'm sorry I have to let it happen, Severus but the Order needs a spy. I have foreseen it and I must follow it. I only hope it won't effect you too much."**

**End Vision**

Snape gasped for air. He looked over to see that Dumbledore was also clutching his own head.

"You knew?" Snape almost whimpered.

"Severus I-"

Snape cut him off. "You fucking bastard! You knew what was going to happen to them and you wanted it to!" Snape was in full fury.

"Severus, you have to understand that The Order-"

"Fuck the fucking Order. You as good as murdered them yourself!"

"What are you ranting on about, Snape?" Moody demanded, hobbling up to see what the commotion was about.

Snape didn't hear him. He lunged at The Order leader. "Bastard! They were innocent," he was screaming.

Harry could only watch as six men dragged Snape off of Dumbledore.

"You butchered them for your precious Order!"

Everyone, minus Snape and Dumbledore, were totally lost in the one sided argument.

"What's gotten into you, Snape? When have you ever cared that an innocent person could die?" Moody demanded.

Snape ignored them. "They were innocent" he screamed as he was pinned to the floor, struggling to get free.

'Mad-Eye' Moody thumped him. "Don't you go ranting at Dumbledore like that? What's he ever done to you? Besides making the mistake of trusting you, that is."

Snape licked the blood from his cut lip before answering. "Why don't you ask the _great_ Albus Dumbledore what he done wrong? Go on, ask him," he said calmly when nobody moved. "Ask him how I became his spy. Ask him why I've thumped him before."

"Why you little..." Moody was about to give Snape a good whacking when -

"Alaster," Dumbledore called. "He's right. I acted reckless and made a terrible mistake."

Snape snorted. "Some mistake."

"Shut up, Snape"

"No, Alaster. He has every right to be angry right now!"

"Damn right, fucking prick." Snape muttered.

"Albus, what's going on," McGonagall asked gently.

"Are you sure you want them to know, Severus."

"I have no reason to protect you, _Headmaster_," Snape sneered back.

"Very well then. Where do I start... Well when Severus graduated from Hogwarts he married a woman named Aoife McCarthy."

"The Ravenclaw girl?" McGonagall asked.

"Yes. Now I ask you not to interrupt me as I tell you."

Everyone nodded. Harry already knew the story, well half of it. He was interested to know what Severus had just found out. It was obvious that a mind link between the two had passed some vision or memory to Severus from Albus, Harry mused. He listened to what Dumbledore was saying.

"...and I offered him the Potions position when he was twenty. The triplets were nearly one year old by then, I think."

"Five months old," Snape interrupted. He was going to enjoy it when the Headmaster ruined his perfect reputation.

"Yes, well... He came to Hogwarts to finalize the details. When he reached his home his found his brother at the front door. He was dead. Aoife, his two sons and his daughter were also dead."

"Your leaving horrible part out, _oh wise one_," Snape said sarcastically.

"Severus-"

"No. I think they should know just how brutal it was." He looked around. "I hope no one's queasy," he smile cruelly.

Harry knew that the vision must have been bad. Snape had broken down the last time he talked about his family's deaths.

"As he said, I found my brother dead. I feared the worst but I couldn't have imagine how bad it was. Aoife and Christopher had obviously been hit by a curse. There was no visible damage... except that they were dead. Alexander wasn't lucky enough to have a quick painless death. I found him in the next room with his head smashed in. A hammer or something I expect. Then I found Samantha. She was alive. Unfortunately she had been hit with the Deimhin Eag curse. She died in my arms."

There was a collective gasp among the listeners.

Snape wasn't smiling anymore, his eyes were closed and his face turned away. "Well I think that Dumbledore should continue from there!"

They all looked at Dumbledore. Snape knew that Dumbledore was upset when he looked at him. 'And he deserves it' he thought.

Dumbledore coughed. "Severus came to me but left in anger. He wanted revenge on the ministry worker that had killed his family. At least he thought it was the ministry worker. Severus joined the Death Eater's that night. He found and killed the man only to find that Lucius Malfoy had used the Polyjuice Potion to look like the ministry worker. He came to me again, the very same night, and offered to be my spy."

"So you gave him a job after he killed the guy by accident. Why would he be angry," Molly Weasley asked. She had fought with the other Order members and had stayed to help with injuries.

"Well he wasn't angry at me then. He blamed himself for their deaths until to day."

"What makes today any different." It was Moody again.

"Well when both Severus and I collapsed, I accidentally sent him a memory."

People were worried now. What could their leader have done that was so bad?

"When I had offered him a job I had a vision. I 'seen' his family being killed."

"They weren't killed," Snape interrupted. The listeners were mortified to see that the cold, heartless Severus Snape had tears running down his face. He didn't seem to notice. "They weren't killed. They were butchered. That bastard that you all worship knew they would die. He let me go home to find him. He WANTED it to happen. AND you let me go off to kill the young ministry worker too."

"Nobody regrets their deaths more than I, Severus," Dumbledore said softly.

"I regret them!" Snape snapped at him. "I regret that I ever considered working for you. That I worked for the person who let them die! What I want to know is why they had to die."

"We needed you to spy."

"I would have joined Voldemort as your spy if they were alive."

"I don't think you would have, Severus."

"Even if I didn't, what right did YOU have to let them die for my services."

"Severus-"

"Only my friends and my wife call me Severus. You are neither!"

Dumbledore looked away. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. He could have never have imagined the loss that Severus felt. The pain from missing them or the betrayal he felt when he saw the vision.

"You're sorry?" Snape sneered. "Aoife used to say a man is judged by his actions, not his words. You're a man whose words mean nothing to me! And your vision was worth the thousand words you would never have spoken." he whispered the last sentence.

The men who had been restraining him had released him at some point in the story. He stood up and walked away, leaving Dumbledore to deal with the dozen glaring faces. For the first time they were all directed at Albus himself.

Harry was so angry with Dumbledore. He glared at him like he was shit on his shoe. "How did I ever look up to you," he sneered. Harry turned and ran to Snape, putting a hand on his shoulders.

"I don't want your pity, Potter."

"You don't have my pity, Severus. But neither does Dumbledore. He made his bed, now he can lay in it. You only have my friendship"

Snape smiled. "Thank you... Harry."

**Reviews anyone? Please review. **


End file.
